Monday, January 26, 2009

Tharinian Republic Gone

Dateline Axis:
This is a Dominion News Center special report. Earlier today we received a garbled message from our competitor GNN News. It appears that Thain has been destroyed by a massive powerflux failure rendering the planet uninhabitable. From what we could make out this is what GNN's Snapper Carr said.
"Earlier today the Tharinian Senate ordered all remaining food supplies to be seized to feed their armies. With the people already starving under a British blockade this was the panic point. Things have degraded into chaos very rapidly around here. A short summary of what happened is as follows:
  • 6:30 am: Tharinian Senate orders all food stores seized to supply its war effort.
  • 7:21 am: Soldiers seize food supplies raiding the main storehouses.
  • 8:00 am: Mass riots break out across the planet.
  • 9:21 am: Marshal law is declared and the army is deployed to maintain order.
  • 10:04 am a few minutes ago: The government tries to reassure its people through mass broadcasts.
Wait, some thing's happening. The British are, are locking on the the broadcasts. They're opening fire! It's mass panic down hear. Bombs are fa................ everywhere. Power is gone. Wait, oh shoot there's one heading strait for.........."
And that is the last contact we've had with GNN. It appears that the bombardment set off a feedback loop through the power grid that destroyed all life on the planet. A statement was released from the Queen stating their horror at this terrible slaughter. Admiral Northwood commander of the British Navy has been relieved of command and now faces a court marshal. Apparently he saw the broadcast signatures and, thinking the fleet was under attack, panicked ordering a mass bombardment.
With their central government gone, their three biggest worlds lost and their other leaders squabbling over power it is unlikely that the Tharinians will ever rise from this massive blow. While we are glad that GNN, our main competitor, has been blown into space dust, our hearts go out to Snapper Carr and the people on Thain. Dominion News Center is committed to filling the information gap (and ludicrous profit opportunities) left by GNN's sudden demise. This has been a DNC special report.

5 comments:

  1. We'd just like to say, for the record, that the Tharinian Republic actually experienced an incredible revolution, that involved the trancendance of it's people to a higher plain of existance. Of course, in order to innitait the transfer, we blew up all our planets. But we are no transcendant noncorporeal beings. So take that Dominion!

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  2. And when we say no, we mean "now". We don't require spelling where we are.

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  3. The DNC is surprisingly... frank. :-)

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  4. At least people are watching

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  5. Democratic national comittee?

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